On the Subject of Dreams
by rt13074
Summary: In the three years since the defeat of the Red Lotus, Asami Sato and Avatar Korra have been dreaming. Rated M due to themes of depression and occasional sexual scenes.
1. Sunrise

_Asami Sato lay with her head nestled in her beloved's lap. A strong, tanned hand softly stroked her pale cheek. She took her loves hand in her own, wrapping her long, delicate fingers around it. She kissed her way slowly up the firm, muscular arm, staring into shining blue eyes; long, thick tresses of chestnut-brown hair fell about her, mingling with her own raven black locks. With their free hand, her lover gently squeezed Asami's breast, and then, with agonising slowness, moved down her quivering stomach…_

Asami woke with a start, drenched in sweat and gasping. Another dream, just like every night for the last three years. She still didn't know if they were a blessing or a curse: they were the closest she could get to Korra's beautiful, powerful body, and every morning they left her burning with need for a woman half a world away. She considered finishing herself off but it was pointless, she knew that she could never reach satisfaction without Korra's arms around her. Asami sighed and got up from the straw-stuffed mattress in her small but comfortable room in the Air Temple. Shortly after Korra left, Asami had asked Tenzin if she could stay on Air Temple Island; she had made excuses, that her home was already full with Mako and Bolin's cousins, that her company wasn't in a stable enough position to justify the expenditure of an indefinite hotel stay.

Tenzin had told her she could stay as long as she wanted, Airbenders never turned away a guest after all, and she moved back into the room she had stayed in during the Equalist revolution, what seemed like a lifetime ago now. But, the truth, which she didn't dare to tell anyone else, could barely even admit to herself, was that she wanted to stay because she felt closer to Korra here. Asami had gone to boarding schools for girls, she knew what was happening to her, what she had seen happen again and again to friends and dorm-mates. And from watching what happened to those girls when they were caught, she knew why she could never tell anyone else about her dreams.

Oh spirits! Why her, why now? This was something you were supposed to grow out of, not into. She wanted, needed Korra with every fibre of her being, and Korra wouldn't even let her visit, didn't want her friends to see her in her broken state. Asami had done what little she could to help Korra, writing her letters weekly, trying to send all the support and understanding and, yes, love, that she couldn't in person. She sat up and unlocked the jewelry box on her bedside table, it held all the treasured letters from Korra, and underneath them, the one letter Asami had been afraid to send. She drew it out and stared at it.

Almost a full year ago, she had written it, sealed it in its envelope, addressed and even put a stamp on it, but at the last second, she had stopped herself sending it, and had locked it away. Asami had poured her heart and soul onto that page, finally telling Korra everything she felt, everything she wanted. All the thoughts and feelings she had tried to hide from came pouring out of her, so fast and so powerful that she almost wept. Every day she had thought about sending it, and every day she had held back- the thought of Korra opening it, being horrified, even disgusted, refusing to ever see or speak to her again, was too terrible to imagine.

And now Korra was coming home, the ship from the South Pole was landing today, finally bringing Korra back to her, and Asami had no idea what she was going to do or say when she finally laid eyes on her beloved again. She looked out of the window and saw the sun staring to rise out over the water and sighed again. She locked the secret letter back in the box at the bottom of the pile. Time to face the day, whatever it might bring.


	2. Moonlight

**Note: The previous chapter takes place just before episode 4x01 "After All These Years", this chapter takes place during Korra's wanderings in the Earth Kingdom, a few days before she ends up in the swamp in "Korra Alone"**

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_Choking! Falling! No air! Can't breathe! Flesh burning! Blood boiling! Pain! Fear! Light! Darkness…_

Korra's eyes snapped open. She couldn't breathe, she felt like a huge weight was crushing her chest. She dragged herself over onto her side and drew a few ragged, shuddering breaths as the weight lessened but didn't lift. She limply slapped her fist against the ground, more out of habit than anything else. She was numb and exhausted and she felt like she was drowning, being consumed by darkness.

Every muscle in her body ached from months of walking across the Earth Kingdom and sleeping on the ground, but she could barely feel it. The constant pain that had been with her since… since that day blotted out everything. This was worse than when Amon had stolen her bending, worse than when Unalaq had ripped Raava out of her. Zaheer had broken her, he had crippled her, taken everything she was- her bending, her connection to the spirits, her strength and her confidence. Every step was an ordeal, her body felt like lead, her limbs were weak, her head was splitting open, and the nightmares and visions haunted her, disappearing for weeks before striking back to torment her again.

Shivering, Korra tucked up her legs to her chest and hugged her arms around them. She squeezed her eyes shut and tried to even out her breathing, trying one of the breath exercises Tenzin had taught her. Her heart slowed down a little and she opened her eyes again. She didn't know where she was, she didn't really care, just lying in the dirt by some road connecting one village to another in the middle of the Earth Kingdom. She hadn't bothered to make a fire, she didn't have any wood even if she had wanted to. The only light was the cold, grey moon, bleaching the landscape around her. It was hours to sunrise and she knew she should try to sleep, but she couldn't face the nightmares again.

Suddenly Korra felt a stab of rage, at herself and the world. She slammed her fist down on the ground again, harder and with purpose. A head sized chuck of earth jumped out of the ground, and, with a yell of frustration, pitched it as far as she could. It flew a few feet, and then hit the ground, skittering and bouncing across the plain, before breaking apart into dirt. Another reminder of just how weak she'd become. She couldn't go back to Republic City, she couldn't help anyone, she couldn't be the Avatar, not while she was like this. Useless, pitiful.

It was the pity she couldn't stand, it was the reason she'd left. In her last few weeks in Republic City, her friends had treated her like she was made of glass, doing almost everything for her. Asami most of all: constantly hovering over her, running to get anything she asked for, offering to help with the smallest tasks, and always looking at her with sad and gentle eyes. Korra couldn't bear to see that look on anyone she cared about, least of all perfect, sweet, brilliant, beautiful, elegant Asami Sato.

And yet, while she had been fighting to heal, struggling to stand and walk, she had clung to Asami's friendship. Having the other girl so far away made her easier to talk to somehow. She had poured out her heart to Asami; telling her about her visions, about her pain, about how she couldn't feel Raava inside her, and about her fear that she was broken forever. She had clung to Asami's letters, to her words of encouragement and compassion. In the last three years, Asami had become her strength.

Korra sat up and ran a hand through her newly short hair. With a grunt of effort she forced herself back up on her feet. She wasn't getting any more sleep tonight, so she might as well start walking. Pushing all thoughts of Asami's porcelain features from her mind, Korra started wearily trudging along the nameless road,


	3. Unbroken

**Note: First, I apologise for how long it has been between updates. It's been a busy few months since Christmas and this is the first time I've been able to it down and write. I'd also like to thank everyone for their patience and the positive feedback I've been receiving. This chapter is from Asami's POV and takes place between "The Coronation" and "The Calling", there should be another from Korra's perspective in the next few weeks.**

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_Asami lay curled up in a ball, cradled in Korra's strong arms. Her head rested on her lover's chest, her face nestled against those swell of that magnificent, perfect bosom. She felt a gentle hand run up and down her back, and another caress the smooth curve of her hip. Asami snaked out her tongue and licked the side of Korra's gorgeous tanned breast, eliciting a silvery giggle, and Korra clasped her tighter, pushing Asami deeper into the depths of her cleavage. Asami rolled over and began to lick and kiss and nuzzle her beloved's firm, voluptuous mounds, feeling her lover shiver and whimper underneath her. Korra slid her hands to Asami's waterfall of silken black hair, running them through the gently curled darkness. Asami sucked Korra's right nipple into her mouth, caressing the sensitive flesh with her lips and tongue, Korra's sparkling blue eyes rolled back in her head, and she gave a deep, low moan of longing, sending a jolt of pleasure straight to Asami's loins. _

_For one beautiful moment her soul was full of joy, and her heart sang. _

_Then she remembered that her happiness was an impossible dream, that her beloved was lost to her._

"_I can't do this again"_

Asami dragged herself awake. Sunlight shone in through her window, she had overslept by hours and she still felt as tired as she had when she went to bed. She had only been able to steal a few hours sleep just before dawn after tossing all night. Asami sat up and put her head in her hands, her eyes against her balled fists. She shook with stress, she felt sick with fear and worry and rage.

She got up and made her way to the women's shower block. She quickly showered and automatically dressed, styled and primped herself. In minutes her mask was up; she was composed, calm and invulnerable; untouched by the chaos of the world.

Asami walked to the dining hall, empty except for two acolytes wiping down the tables and whispering to each other. She grabbed a bread roll and a bowl of noodles and sat down at the closest table. She ate without tasting and then just sat there, lost in thought: _"Where are you… what happened to you… why did you leave me?"_.

She didn't notice Pema walking up to her until the motherly acolyte's voice cut through her fugue: "Do you need some company?"

Asami's first instinct was to ask for privacy, but the last thing she wanted to do was seem rude to this woman who had welcomed her into her home, so she quietly nodded. Pema sat down, she'd been worried about Asami and how much she'd withdrawn since Korra's ship had pulled up without the Avatar on it.

"You're up later than usual"

"I couldn't sleep"

"You haven't been to work in a few days"

"The department heads can look after things for a few days"

There was a long pause as Asami unconsciously rubbed her hands and Pema sipped her tea, then she sighed and put down her cup with an audible clunk. Asami automatically turned to look, but kept her eyes downcast

"Could you please look at me?"

Asami lifted her gaze and locked eyes with Pema, and Pema could see the tightly controlled pain buried under the layer of refined poise. She reached out and laid a comforting hand on Asami's wrist.

"We're all afraid for her, but bottling up your feelings isn't the way to handle this"

Asami's breath caught in her throat, she squeezed her eyes shut, took a deep breath and then opened her eyes again, her turmoil brought to the surface, and it all ckame pouring out.

"I'm not just afraid, I'm so scared I feel sick, I keep imagining her dead or just lying somewhere in a pool of her blood, and then I feel angry that she ran off and left, and then I feel so guilty because I know how much pain she must be in and…", Asami choked back her tears and Pema squeezed her hand. Asami breathed and kept talking, calmer but still distraught.

"Kuvira's conquered the Earth Kingdom, my father keeps sending me letters, Korra's disappeared to spirits only know where, the entire world's falling apart and I just feel so helpless", Asami took another deep breath and looked away again, her voice barely above a whisper, "I don't know if I can…"

She trailed off and slid her hand out of Pema's grasp and folded her hands in her lap. She looked down, avoiding Pema's gaze again. Pema laid her hand on Asami's shoulder, and the pale girl looked up again.

"The Avatar spirit hasn't passed on so know she's alive, and we know Korra can take care of herself. Until the children find her, we're all going to have to be strong, we can't break down, not now"

Asami was a little stunned to hear the edge of intensity in the woman's voice. She'd had no idea that there was a core of strength under Pema's kindness and compassion. She nodded slightly.

"You're right", Asami stood up and smoothed out her skirt, "Thank you"

"Any time dear"

"May I borrow a boat, I need to go into the city"

Pema nodded, and Asami walked out of the hall. Pema was right, she couldn't fall apart now, after everything she'd gone through, she couldn't let this be what broke her.

Time to get back to work.


	4. Healing

**Note: This chapter takes place immediately after "The Calling", before Korra and the kids arrive at Zaofu. The next one will probably take at least a month.**

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_Korra was a little girl again lying on the floor of her parent's house, rolling on the ground with Naga, giggling as the fluffy little polar bear puppy licked her face, bouncing and yipping with excitement._

_She was standing in the arena, hearing the crowds cheer, seeing the camera bulbs flash, feel her heart pumping and the adrenaline rushing through her body._

_She was soaring through the desert, the hot, dry wind rushing past he;, Asami stood in front of her, hair swirling behind her like smoke, gleeful laughter carried on the wind._

_Just out of the corner of her eye, she could see a dark, inky shadow._

Korra woke up, but easily: she wasn't choking, her heart wasn't pounding and she wasn't drenched in a cold sweat. She was sleeping easier, the pain of the poison was gone. The nightmares were still there, on the edge of her awareness, she could feel them, a dark looming threat. But it wasn't constantly hovering over her thoughts, and she could sleep easily some nights. She still felt Raava's absence- an aching emptiness that if she thought about to hard would have her break down crying. She wasn't whole, but she was better. With the shadow faded, her mind felt clearer and lighter, like she had been lifted out of a swamp.

The moon was waxing, but not quite full. She could feel its power pulling on her, fuelling her waterbending. It felt comforting, it reminded her of listening to her mother tell her the story of Princess Yue all those years ago, when her bending suddenly kicked in, back when she felt invincible, when she could take on anything.

The fire at the centre of their campsite had burned down, Jinora's sky bison (it's name was Pepper, apparently), laid down in front of the treeline, a huge wall of soft white fur. Jinora (wow, she'd grown up so much) slept with her head resting on the huge creatures' front paw; little Ikki (not so little anymore) was curled up in a sleeping bag close to the fire; Meelo was sprawled out over his pack, snoring with his mouth hanging open (some people don't change). She had no idea how much she'd missed those kids, how much of their lives she'd missed out on while she was gone.

Now she wasn't drowning in her own misery anymore, she realised just how much she wanted to see everyone again, everyone she'd kept at arm's length. It was terrifying, but she couldn't wait. Crotchety old Tenzin; Pema, so kind and gentle; crazy, loony Bumi; big, goofy Bolin; Mako, so grim and serious; Asami… Asami… graceful, flawless, lovely Asami… _Hair like liquid midnight, smooth alabaster skin, long lithe limbs, slender but curvy figure, cherry red kissable lips, eyes like green ice_...

Korra shook her head, pushing the fantasy out of her mind. She couldn't think about Asami like that. She remembered when she was a little girl, and she'd innocently told her dad that the girl in the next igloo was beautiful. It was the only time he'd ever raised his voice to her.

She'd always known that she liked girls, but she'd always liked boys more so it hadn't mattered. Even so, there had been times when she hadn't been able to help herself; times her eyes had wandered to watch a pretty girl sway as she walked, times she'd caught herself gazing at a pretty face or laughing too hard at a joke, she'd even had a little crush once or twice.

But Asami?

It felt wrong. Thinking about someone she… cared about… so much, like that, it felt sick, like she was taking advantage of her even more.

Asami had given her everything, she had held Korra up, and she had sucked up every drop of encouragement and support like a parasite while selfishly hiding away the best friend she had ever had. And after all of that, now she was just going to reduce that wonderful, generous woman to a sexual fantasy?

Asami deserved better. She didn't deserve a friend who daydreamed about her in secret. She didn't deserve for all her patience and compassion to be repaid by…

Korra would make it up to her, all of it. She would make it up to all of them.

She was going home.


	5. Reunion

**Note: This chapter takes place after "Reunion". Sorry it's been so long since an updates.**

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That evening, back on Air Temple Island, they were having a party. Asami had been at work when Korra had come home, and most of the airbenders in the city had been on assignment, so Pema had decided that they should have a celebration to welcome Korra home. Asami sat quietly at the back of the room sipping a glass of sake, watching the celebration. Meelo stood on a chair in the corner of a room, giving an account of the battle of Zaofu that no doubt bore only a passing resemblance to reality with Ikki interrupting every six words or so; Jinora sat at the window with Kai's arm around her, Tenzin casting glances their way every so often; Beifong and Mako stoically watched Bumi attempt to coax his pet spirit and the platter of sticky buns it was holding down from the ceiling; while at the centre of it all, Korra was passed from person to person, all of who wanted to know what had happened at Zaofu, where had she gone after disappearing, what was Toph really like?

Asami was lost in thought. She had dreaded seeing Korra, but every fiber of her being had longed to be with her again. Anger and joy and panic had been warring within her. Her heart had been pounding, her stomach was doing backflips, her palms had been sweating, and it had taken every ounce of self-control to keep herself from shaking. Her mind had still been filled with the dream she had dragged herself out of that morning. It was her first day at school, only this time Korra was her roommate, and their room had a fireplace that she was sprawled across the floor in front of. The thought of Korra in the old uniform- crisp white blouse straining against her lush curves, pleated blue skirt showing off those tanned, toned thighs- still sent lightning bolts down her spine and between her legs.

But when Korra had walked through the door, that had all disappeared, and the whole world seemed to shrink until only they were the only two people in existence. And when they had held one another, it had felt so right. Fighting together, saving the day together, it was like Korra had never left, like they had never been apart. The gloom and fear that had hung over Asami's spirit was gone, burned away by Korra's radiance.

_So I've finally got her back, and thank spirits she's alive and well, but now what? Just go up to her and say "Hey, I know you've been through the most traumatic three years of your life, but I've fallen in love with you in defiance of the laws of nature, would you like to live happily ever after with me?"_

Asami absently felt inside her jacket pocket, stroking the edge of the unsent letter with her fingertip. She'd taken it out of the box after getting back that evening and had no idea what she was going to do with it.

_Do I burn it so she never sees it? _No, Asami had poured her heat and soul onto that paper, she couldn't bring herself to destroy it now anymore than she could when she wrote it. _Maybe I could just slip it under her door and hope for the best... _Oh come on, this is not boarding school and you are not a silly girl away from home for the first time, passing notes is not an option. _I could just do nothing, at least then we'd stay friends, even if nothing ever happens between us._ That seemed the safest, but would she be satisfied with just being Korra's friend, holding that secret in her heart, never letting her feelings be known?

Oh dear, every choice seemed to end badly. Asami's whole life she had been able to solve problems, the simple solution always seemed to just reveal itself. Math, science, machines, that was all easy, understandable; it all followed some basic laws. But Korra, well, Korra was complicated.

The night wore on, and people gradually filtered out. The airbenders and the acolytes started heading off to bed. Beifong and Mako left to catch the last ferry back to the city. Jinora pointedly unwrapped Kai's arm from around herself and lead her barely-awake sister off to the women's block; Kai sighed and took Meelo to the men's wing, the kid protesting that he was not tired.

Korra disentangled herself from Tenzin and Pema, and strode over to Asami's table and sat down next to her. Close enough that Asami could feel the warmth of Korra's athletic body, and smell the intoxicating scent of her hair. Korra turned to her and smiled, and the world seemed to light up around her.

Asami's pensive mood instantly vanished, and a warm, fuzzy feeling of contentment spread through her chest. Just being around Korra felt so... right. She smiled back, and an adorable faint blush tinged Korra's exotic features.

_Wait, why is she blushing?_

"Hello..."

"Hi..."

Silence hung awkwardly in the air for the longest five seconds of Asami's life. _What do I say to her?_

Suddenly there was a rush of air and a loud crash.

"Ha. Thought you could get away from me did you?" Bumi looked up and saw everyone staring at him, "I should go". The grizzled airbender quickly jogged out of the room, still carrying Bum-Ju under his arm.

There was a brief pause, and then Korra burst out laughing. Pema and Asami giggled behind their hands, and Tenizn sighed wearily and cupped his face in his hand.

Pema stopped laughing, sighed and went over to a broom leaning against the wall.

"It's okay, we'll clean it up" said Korra.

_We…?_ Asami's heart skipped a beat.

"Okay. Goodnight girls, come on dear" Pema lead her grumbling husband away.

And then they were alone, Asami felt her hands grow clammy. Another silence hung, awkward and deafening, in the air.

"So, cleaning…", Asami started to stand up when she felt a strong hand on her arm and goose bumps spread down her arm. She turned and looked into those wonderful, ocean-blue eyes. Korra's strikingly beautiful face was troubled.

"First, I need to talk to you"


End file.
